Saturday, May 24, 2008

"God Will Be Cut"

I PICKED A HELLUVA MOVIE to watch just earlier during my post-workout "cooldown" of 10 minutes on an elliptical machine: Kill Bill Volume 1. Even though the guide said it was on Telemundo, I flicked it on for the duration. The language barrier proved meaningless; I entered as the Crazy 88 were zooming through that Tokyo tunnel as Beatrix Kiddo streaked behind in her yellow Bruce Lee suit, followed closely by the epic entry of O-Ren and her crew to "Battle Without Honor or Humanity." Yeah, my pulse wasn't dropping out of triple digits any time soon.

I was hoping Telemundo might be as loco in its attitude toward violence as it is toward boisterous, Benny Hill–style T&A. No such luck; when the luscious Julie Dreyfus got a shoulder-height manicure, the chambara gore-gasm was trimmed as neatly as her arm. Likewise the near-bloodless snuffs of the 88s who tried the Bride's Hanz┼Ź sword in battle. I ended my cooldown before the Gauntlet-style slayfest of the remaining 88s, which probably was also pruned way back.

Which reminded me of the approach I thought Tarantino ought to take when releasing the DVD. A good stretch of the House of Blue Leaves fight is presented in black and white, partly as chambara homage, partly to toe the rating back out of NC-17 territory. Now in Japan, you can get a version of the DVD with this battle in full color throughout. I thought Region One viewers ought to have a menu option that, in homage to Steve Buscemi's brief role as waiter "Buddy Holly" in Pulp Fiction, would offer two choices: "Burnt to a Crisp" (with the Blue Leaves sequence's original black and white) or "Bloody as Hell" (in glorious arterial color).

Considering Tarantino is taking his sweet-ass time in crafting the combined Parts 1 and 2 version, it might not be too late to get this suggestion to him. Someone contact his people. He can have this idea for free.

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